Hannah LaBonde

4:48 a.m.

2005-10-20T01:46:00.000-07:00

In the mornings, I usually write longhand in my journal. I've been doing this since February, and it's a wonderful release. Today I felt in the mood to blog instead of journaling, so here goes.

I've been waking up super-early these days, because I'm in the habit of getting work done at school before the kids arrive. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Chorale rehearsal starting at 6:45, so to get work done ahead of time requires an early wake up indeed. Mostly it doesn't bother me, though all this week I've been pretty tired.

I'm gearing up for this year's musical with my students. We are doing Fiddler on the Roof, which is an ambitious undertaking for middle schoolers. This week I have "audition prep" after school each day: Monday & Tuesday were question & answer sessions, yesterday I showed the movie (with snacks & drinks, naturally), and today and tomorrow I am offering coaching sessions to help students prepare for their auditions. Next week we'll have the actual auditions.

All these after-school sessions have been stretching my workday to even crazier proportions than usual. I think I have been at school for 12 hours or more each day this week. It's insane, but I love it. Sometimes I worry that I use my job as an excuse to avoid having a normal adult social life, but I'm happy, so it can't be too bad, right?

Teaching middle school is never predictable and rarely serious. Each day, there are dozens of reasons to laugh; dozens of reasons to be grateful. A general music class that becomes involved in a thoughtful discussion about a listening example. A series of goofy exchanges in 7th/8th grade chorus. A class that performs a scene project with unusual enthusiasm. The moments that really keep me going are the moments with individual students. The kids who stop by to talk for a few minutes after school. The students who say hello in the halls or lunch room, the ones who are unfailingly polite. The ones who go out of their way to play a practical joke.

I thank God every day for what I do, for these people who brighten up my path. The thought that I might offer a little light to them is almost overwhelming, when I pause to consider it. What a miracle it is that in giving I receive.

Reexamine your God concept

2005-10-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I finished the final page in my current journal, so I spent some time reading some of what I've written over the past few months. In June, I was doing "homework" from The Artist's Way, and one of the assignments was as follows:

"Reexamine your God concept. Does your belief system limit or support your creative expansion? Are you open minded about altering your concept of God?"

Here is my response that day in June. I think it pinpoints a turning point for me that led to where I am now.

Okay, I think what I believe works pretty well with creative expansion. I believe all my gifts come from God, and I believe he will help me navigate how best to use them for his glory. What a good Christian answer, right? But I think this is right. At the same time, there are fears that may be deeper and sometimes supercede this belief.

Fear of going into debt, fear of worldly success, fear of materialism, fear of getting it all wrong. I fear myself, my sinful self. I'm like my student Danielle, who checks and re-checks with the teacher to make sure she's fulfilling all the requirements. If only You had given a rubric? Why just this collection of stories?

In my heart, the questions pops up, like a buoy I've been holding down: "What will your story be?" It occurs to me that You don't want me living a rubric life, checking off one requirement after another. I watch Danielle and laugh a sad laugh: she's being so careful to earn every possible point that she misses the point (the real point) of the class. Open up, learn a little, enjoy the process. Is that what You want from me? Less tension, more giggling. Less rubric hunting, more storytelling.

First post

2005-10-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

So this is my first blog post. Pretty exciting. Kathy helped me make it, and I'm just trying it out so that I can see what the page will look like. Hum de dum . . . that's all for now.